Feeling alone? That no one has your back? I had been for a while and I wanted it to stop. I've relied heavily over the years on my faith to get me through tough situations; and recently, my reserve seemed to have been drained. If things didn't happen for a reason and if there isn't anyone in the cosmos looking out for me, I didn't know what to believe any more. I've been mostly happy, but deep down, I had a feeling that I'm the one and only person I could truly trust. Not exactly setting the stage for welcoming a loving relationship to present itself in my life, I needed to make some changes.
I miss having a boyfriend. I want to be able to trust in the loving gifts that others give me. I want to stop feeling as if I "owe" for every nice comment, gesture or generosity thrown my way. On one level, I know that people are like me, they give because they want to, not because they are looking for anything. However, I've also been through the ringer with some and realized that not all quite as altruistic as I'd like to believe.
So how do I know the difference? How can I begin to trust again? How can I regain the faith I once held dear? Baby steps. I have been writing down every positive gesture (gift) that comes my way. Everything is recorded, from a random smile, a hug, compliments, moments of unadulterated laughter, a gorgeous view, or even unexpected money coming my way. The more I write down, the more I recognize that there are many gifts for me to accept. If I push every gift away for fear of not being able to make up for it, I could miss out on so many wonderful things. The timing of these gifts makes me realize that it cannot be random; and, little by little, my faith is being restored.
The funny thing about recognizing gifts is that as you look for them, the more they present themselves. My days are filled with gifts now and I'm learning not to feel obligated to do anything about it. I'll never stop giving, I love it too much. However, I'm more apt to allow someone to enjoy that feeling too.
The biggest gift I've been given is knowing I'm not alone. I hope my true love will find me soon, but in the meantime my life is filled with joy. That's pretty much all anyone can ask for, and I'm so very very grateful for it.
I miss having a boyfriend. I want to be able to trust in the loving gifts that others give me. I want to stop feeling as if I "owe" for every nice comment, gesture or generosity thrown my way. On one level, I know that people are like me, they give because they want to, not because they are looking for anything. However, I've also been through the ringer with some and realized that not all quite as altruistic as I'd like to believe.
So how do I know the difference? How can I begin to trust again? How can I regain the faith I once held dear? Baby steps. I have been writing down every positive gesture (gift) that comes my way. Everything is recorded, from a random smile, a hug, compliments, moments of unadulterated laughter, a gorgeous view, or even unexpected money coming my way. The more I write down, the more I recognize that there are many gifts for me to accept. If I push every gift away for fear of not being able to make up for it, I could miss out on so many wonderful things. The timing of these gifts makes me realize that it cannot be random; and, little by little, my faith is being restored.
The funny thing about recognizing gifts is that as you look for them, the more they present themselves. My days are filled with gifts now and I'm learning not to feel obligated to do anything about it. I'll never stop giving, I love it too much. However, I'm more apt to allow someone to enjoy that feeling too.
The biggest gift I've been given is knowing I'm not alone. I hope my true love will find me soon, but in the meantime my life is filled with joy. That's pretty much all anyone can ask for, and I'm so very very grateful for it.
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