Recognizing Gifts

Feeling alone? That no one has your back?  I had been for a while and I wanted it to stop.  I've relied heavily over the years on my faith to get me through tough situations; and recently, my reserve seemed to have been drained.  If things didn't happen for a reason and if there isn't anyone in the cosmos looking out for me, I didn't know what to believe any more.  I've been mostly happy, but deep down, I had a feeling that I'm the one and only person I could truly trust.  Not exactly setting the stage for welcoming a loving relationship to present itself in my life, I needed to make some changes. 

I miss having a boyfriend. I want to be able to trust in the loving gifts that others give me.  I want to stop feeling as if I "owe" for every nice comment, gesture or generosity thrown my way.  On one level, I know that people are like me, they give because they want to, not because they are looking for anything.  However, I've also been through the ringer with some and realized that not all quite as altruistic as I'd like to believe.  

So how do I know the difference? How can I begin to trust again? How can I regain the faith I once held dear?  Baby steps.  I have been writing down every positive gesture (gift) that comes my way.  Everything is recorded, from a random smile, a hug, compliments, moments of unadulterated laughter, a gorgeous view, or even unexpected money coming my way.    The more I write down, the more I recognize that there are many gifts for me to accept. If I push every gift away for fear of not being able to make up for it, I could miss out on so many wonderful things.   The timing of these gifts makes me realize that it cannot be random; and, little by little,  my faith is being restored.

The funny thing about recognizing gifts is that as you look for them, the more they present themselves.  My days are filled with gifts now and I'm learning not to feel obligated to do anything about it.  I'll never stop giving, I love it too much.  However, I'm more apt to allow someone to enjoy that feeling too. 

The biggest gift I've been given is knowing I'm not alone.  I hope my true love will find me soon, but in the meantime my life is filled with joy.  That's pretty much all anyone can ask for, and I'm so very very grateful for it.

What makes you happy? pt 1

Gratitude Mission: Create a list of activities that make you happy. Put a check mark next to the ones you do on a regular basis. Is there a way that you could incorporate more of these into your daily life? Could you do the ones you enjoy most more frequently?

This week, try to do at least 3 of these activities. Write about your experience. How does your level of gratitude change this week?

 Things that make me happy

Doing random acts of kindness for complete strangers

Doing random acts of kindness for people I know and love

Time laughing with friends 

Time with Mom, Stacey and Steven

Time with little kids or babies, either making them laugh, learning what they love, reading to them or letting them tell me stories.

Quiet time to myself 

Time with my best little four legged furry friend, Gracie

Reminiscing about fun times from the past

Reading

Learning something new

Painting or doing something creative

Cooking

Writing

Working out

Drinking a cup of tea from a real tea cup

Eating a bite of a good, dark chocolate

Cuddling up with a cozy blanket, plus a wonderful man, if available ;)

Finding an exotic recipe to try, preferably for company

Finding just the right gift for someone

Massage

Pedicures

Retail therapy (window shopping style)

 

Bubble bath by candle light

Scent/flavor of lemons

Watching an uplifting movie

Watching a chick flick 

Watching a funny movie and laughing until it almost hurts

Sitting by the window during a spring rainstorm

Twirling in the rain during a summer rainstorm

Meeting new friends

A cold glass of lemonade

That's a good place to start.  As I look through the list, I have many simple things that I don't treat myself to often enough.  I will commit to doing at least three of these this week.  

Other things that made me smile today

Material things are not necessary for happiness, but occasionally treating myself to decadence is a wonderful reminder that I deserve pampering.  My amazing friend Jennifer and I had pedicures today and decided to go shopping.  Most of the fun is chatting, giggling and just hanging out, but I must admit that these treasures are certainly fun to come home with:

1)

New Cozy Earmuffs, mine are brown.  These will be perfect for my long walk to and from work in the Airport.

2)

Cozy Scarf. It is so soft, it feels like puppy ears or a teddy bear! I know I will be warm and the added bonus is that it feels like a hug while it's on!

  3)

Cozy Blanket. Made of the same material. I am a sucker for this stuff! My thought is that this will be perfect for the 34 hour travel time to Ethiopia with my mom.

 4)

Sexy Earrings. They feel great and even sound fun! These add a bit of interest and sex appeal to my otherwise classic style.

 5)

More Sexy Earrings. These draw attention to the curve of my neck and make me smile a little brighter.  Could you ask for more from a pair of earrings?

Three Good Things

The Mission: List three things that went well in your week and why they went well.  They don't have to be big events- you're simply trying to train your mind to dwell more on the positive. 

1) I found myself feeling gratitude for opportunities to show my compassion for others.  I solidified a friendship and even felt a sense of healing for my PTSD when I was able to show compassion for "the other side of the coin". I feel grateful that I saw a glimmer of hope, knowing that it is possible for a aggressor to heal, have remorse and grow from the experience.  I am not confident this will happen with my father, but I am glad to know it is possible.  It felt good to speak from the heart and be able to say exactly what I felt in a way that was also healing for my friend.  I am happy to have compassion in my heart.  Gratitude fills my heart when I think of all of the wonderful people that are presented to me when I focus on positivity.  Not in spite of, but because of of his/her past, each one of these wonderful people are a gift to me in the present.  Pun intended.

2) Found the perfect "sparkle" to add to my wardrobe without having to spend too, too much money.  I've been wanting to revamp something in my wardrobe to match my new found (or newly regained) sense of optimism and happiness.   I've been worried about spending money on myself lately and finally decided that I deserve it.  Just as I was willing to spend a little, I found two pairs of sexy earrings that make me remember the woman I am. This, added to my new highlights and some fun new shoes, has boosted my confidence.  I even had a chance to flirt a bit with my pilot crush! 

3) Found a perfect parking spot at the crowded mall- right on the first row by the doors!  I don't know what made it happen, but I looked up and a car was just leaving.  I feel fortunate because this feels like a gift from the universe. When I am in a good place and feeling happy, simple pleasures drop in front of me. 

Ok, so those were 3 pretty simple things to be grateful for, but when it comes down to it, it's the small things that keep everything moving.  If I can continue to feel gratitude for these things, then I can only dream of the greater things to come.

Gratitude Journal: The Beginning

Take a few minutes to write down why you've decided to keep this journal.  What are you hoping to accomplish? What are your personal intentions for it? Throughout the year, check back with this post to keep yourself on track.

In the interest of becoming "me" again, I decided to keep my heart and head in the positive energy of gratitude as often as possible.  When depressed or sleepless, I often find that my only solace is listing everything for which I am grateful.  The Law of Attraction states that "like attracts like" and I find that, as I focus on things that I am thankful for, positive things continue to grow in my life.  Unfortunately, just thinking the thoughts is not always enough.  It is easy to get sucked back into frustration and sadness when things aren't exactly going the way I had hoped/planned for my life.   This is where the journal benefits me the most.  Writing down my thoughts helps them to be more concrete, less abstract.  I am able to go back to them and remember the happiness I felt from the most simple of events.

It is my hope that a commitment of a weekly Gratitude Journal entry will grow into a daily practice.  In the meantime, I am happy to set aside time once a week (at least) to reflect on all that I am thankful for.  I know this will help me to retain the positive feeling I have enjoyed this first week of "Project Gratitude".  While speaking with my therapist, I realized that my confidence grows because I am closer to the pure energy I am most familiar with when I am focusing on gratitude.

My most valued and cherished traits is my sense of compassion.  I feel my gratitude grow when I am able to express and show compassion for others.  I am also capable of even higher levels of compassion through my focus on gratitude.  It is a never ending cycle of showing compassion, feeling gratitude for the opportunity, the increased ability to show and express compassion to others, and the infinitesimal increase in my gratitude.  I hope to continue on this cycle and am excited to see the heights my gratitude can take me.

Tools for the Journey

I cannot take credit for this post, but I felt that it was appropriate to include here. These are some stepping stones or tools that I will be using along the way.  Read and enjoy.    Learning to live at higher levels of gratitude.

Appreciating the Power of the World Around You. “I am a happy, happy guy. I am grateful, and that is riches. Gratitude is wealth.”                                                -Ben Stein Learn to detach yourself from events occuring in your life.  Don't let the day's events effect you.  Try to become neutral to your surroundings.  When decisions need to be made, step back into a role of an observer, and make the best decision possible. Don't read anything into a situation. Many times what we think was intended, is exactly opposite of what was intended. Observe what is happening around you.  Everything is happening to you in perfect harmony. People come in and out of your life at the right moments. If an event occurs that catches your attention, ask yourself, "Why is this occuring?  What am I to learn from this occuring? What are others to learn from this occuring? Am I being called to do something?" Raise your energy level by helping and thinking of others.  Although this takes time to train yourself to begin to put others first, the rewards are priceless. Keep your thoughts in check.  By becoming aware of your thoughts and their patterns, you can chart your progress.  You can begin to use your thoughts to chart the course to your future. Thoughts are powerful things.  What you think becomes your reality. Start a gratitude journal.  Take a few minutes each day (your gratitude time) and write down 5 things you're grateful for. Every couple of days, try and stretch your mind to be thankful for things you don't usually think of. (Relatives, past jobs, past gifts, special moments, previous vacations, etc.) Over time, you'll begin to become aware of good things occuring on your behalf, that you were previously unaware of. This awareness will bring an ever increasing sense of peace and happiness into your life. Go to sleep thinking about your gifts.  As you nod off to sleep, instead of counting sheep, count your blessings! If you want, pick one thing you're really thankful for. This simple act brings a more restful, peaceful sleep. You'll wake up in a great mood and be ready for a great day ahead! Begin to look outward. Most of us have traits of both Inward and Outward facing traits.  As you improve in a gratitude based lifestyle, you will begin to see more Outward focused traits. You will also begin to be more free flowing throughout your day.  The "bumps in the road" that you see in your life will begin to disappear or become greatly reduced. As you move Outwards, you will begin to see your level of happiness increase. Looking Inward Selfish “Me First” “What’s in it for me?” Judgmental of others Critical of others Critical of yourself Ignore others Rude Aloof Unfriendly Greedy Close-minded The world is ending attitude Doom and gloom Manipulate others for your gain Looking Outward Giving Caring Loving Non-Judgmental Understanding Open to ideas Creative Appreciative Thoughtful Friendly “How are you today?” “How can I help you?” “How can I make your day better?” Charitable Prayerful Working towards a grateful lifestyle begins with thank you. By taking time to say thank you deepens are awareness of the world around us, and what everyone is doing and contributing to make our world a better place. Appreciate the other person.  If someone crosses you, relax.  That other person is presenting an opinion based of what they "perceive" to be true to them at that moment.  Forgive that individual and move forward.  If that person continues to berate you or radiate negative energy towards you, cease that relationship.  Negative feelings that radiate towards you will continue to radiate outwards.  You become the carrier of their negative energy.  Like ripples in a pond the negative energy of your encounter will continue to your friends and family.  But, if you avoid negative feelings and begin to generate positive feelings, this energy will radiate forward to your friends, family and anyone you encounter that moment.   By appreciating and being grateful for the other person, you shut down the negative feelings and return positive feelings to the environment around you. Leave your past, in your past.  Today is a new day. If someone has done something to you in the past, forget it, forgive it and move on.  Be thankful for the experience of the moment and learn from it.  Do not let the past determine your future. How Grateful Are You? Defining Gratitude Levels If we were to rank gratitude on a scale of 1 to 10, Simple Gratitude is 1 to 3, Elevated Gratitude is 4 to 6 and Genuine Gratitude is 7 to 10. 1          2          3          4          5           6          7           8          9          10 --- Simple ---               --- Elevated   ----                 ------  Genuine   ------- Another way to look at the gratitude level scale is this: When an event in your life occurs, how do you currently react to it?  Do you:   1          2          3          4          5           6          7           8          9          10   --- Understand it?---     --- Appreciate it?   ----    -- Accept without Question?-- At These Levels of Gratitude Your Thankful For: Simple Gratitude Elevated Gratitude Genuine Gratitude Your Family Your Job Your Health Your Home Your Abilities Your Day Your Safety Your Friends A Gift Your Thoughts Your Freedoms Your Mistakes Your Shortcomings Others Being Rude The Weather Your Problems Others Successes Good Things That Appear The Universe Your Enemies Your Existence The Air Around You Your Inner Being Your Higher Power Your Creativity Other's Shortcomings Whatever Occurs Moving to higher levels of gratitude evolve over time.  Some move quickly to upper levels and some take years to achieve advanced levels.   Some days you may notice that you are existing in the Median level and other days you drift back to the Simple level. By continuing to be thankful and working to expand your gratitude, you will naturally move to the upper levels of gratitude and create a life for yourself that is currently out of your view. As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.                                       -John F. Kennedy Click Here for Original Post

One step at a time

This quote made me feel inspired today.  Instead of looking at the many changes I need and want to make in my life, I can focus only on the next step.  Less daunting and less scary too. I can see as I go if I like the changes I'm making, instead of diving head first into the abyss and having to make due with what I find or discover.   Baby steps, safe steps, but still bold moves towards happiness. 

When we dissolve the need for any "if only's" - we set ourselves free to take the only step that needs to be taken in any moment... that is the next step. Like that journey of one thousand miles beginning with only one step... the journey of any journey - in any moment - requires only the next step. - Guru Singh

2011: A Year of Growth and Gratitude

In the interest of moving forward from a few crappy years in a row, I have decided to focus this year on growth and gratitude.  I am working through my PTSD and I am craving something a little more happy and positive to focus some energy on as well.  My aunt Debbie gave me a Gratitude Journal for Christmas (probably because I have to vent to her too much).   I love the idea of focusing on what I'm thankful for.  I do try to go through everything I'm thankful for as I go to sleep at night, but it has been hard lately.  Plus, the thoughts are fleeting.  Maybe if I write it down, I can revisit the entries and solidify them a bit more?  I hope. I'm running with the idea.

For the rest of the year, I will blog at least once a week on the topic listed in the Gratitude journal.  This is my practice in getting back to me. The real me.  I crave it and need it.

For today, I will write the quote that made me tear up.

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom" - Marcel Proust