100% Project

How much to you love yourself?

50%? 75%? More? Less? I'm not talking about each and every moment, just an average. Don't over analyze your answer; just go with your first instinct.

When I asked myself that question about a month ago, I was surprised that my answer was 85%. That was fine, because I thought that 100% signaled arrogance. Part of me thought my percentage would be higher, but for the most part, I thought it would be worse. I know that I'm not perfect, and that there is always something to be improved upon. That's not bad, is it? I thought that it was fine, until I was given a wake-up call.

I believe in the Law of Attraction. Like attracts like. With that in mind, that would mean that all of the happy, emotionally healthy, positive people are out there, but dating each other. It makes sense; if you were in a good place and frame of mind, why would you want to be with someone who doesn't have that same energy?

Part of my wake-up call also opened my eyes to the fact that you can only accept love to the extent you love yourself. In addition, you can only truly give love to others to the extent you give love to yourself. If you love yourself less than the amount of love the other person is trying to send you, you subconsciously shrug it off because you don't feel you deserve it. This refusal of the gift of love is then interpreted by the giver as a sign that they aren't doing enough. We've all done it. I've tried and tried to give love to people who never seemed to think they were worthy and kept shrugging it off. It is energetically draining and it never feels like you can do enough. Who wants to live that way? I've waited long enough to be in a relationship that I won't settle for less than 100% giving and receiving.

It was that moment that I began to work on my "100% project". It is my goal to accept myself as I am in this moment. It is not to say that I don't try to improve, just that I don't have to. 100% self love is not arrogance, it is understanding that everything has a purpose and things happen for a reason. For example, before I would look at my belly and say, "well, I will work hard enough and it will go away" there was some sort of message that said I wasn't truly good enough until it was gone. Now, I honor that my belly served me by making me feel hidden and protected when I felt vulnerable and raw; that it will go when it's time, but nothing is wrong with me now. Once I began noticing how mean I am to myself, even in passing thoughts, I realized that this was going to be the most worthwhile thing I've ever done.

Why are we, as caring human beings, so much nicer to others than we are to ourselves? Why do we struggle to show people how beautiful they are to us, inside and out, but we constantly tell ourselves that we will never be good enough until we look like X, accomplish Y, or master Z? I see beauty all around me. I celebrate the differences in how people look, act, and just be. Why is it that I am so hard on myself?

My answer is this: "I don't care why; but it stops now!" I know that 100% is a lot to ask, but I don’t see this as me thinking I’m perfect. Instead, I’m recognizing that “perfect” doesn't exist. Instead, I am perfectly imperfect and always changing. I am as I am supposed to be. I will work out because it makes me feel good, not because I have to. I read because I love it, not because I need to be more intelligent. I can just be me, because I deserve to be with someone who loves me, not in spite of who I am, but because of it. I wish the same for all of my wonderful friends. I wish the same for everyone. We all deserve it. I am no longer embarrassed to love myself. I no longer feel that it is something to be ashamed of. Loving ourselves does not diminish our capacity to love others; instead, it expands infinitely.

Right now, I’m proud to say I’m at 95%. I still have days when I am downright mean to myself. I’m not mad at myself on those days; I just know that it is a thought pattern that I conditioned myself to believe served me.

I would never hate a child for not knowing how to tie his shoe. I would never look in disgust at a child learning to walk. Those going through trials hold a special place in my heart because they are growing and learning. I now will treat myself with the same compassion that we all give to others. I love myself 95% and I’m excited every day that I make it closer and closer to 100%.

I welcome you to join me in this project and cannot wait to hear your thoughts!